Saturday, September 14, 2013

The Life And Times Of Your Everyday Trans-Woman.

Being a Trans-woman myself for just about 8 years now I was hesitant to even broach on the topic of DJ Mister Cee's past and present Sexual scandals with cross dressers and what is assumed to be trans-women of sorts. It wasn't until I came across this recent discussion panel on the Huffington Post between Actress Lavern Cox and Journalist (and personal inspiration of mine) Janet Mock. The conversation opens many doors and sheds light of alot of trans related issues not previously talked about for lack of knowledge and understanding on the subject. It is direct, non accusatory, honest, open  and realistic to the views of where the world is at today. If intrest in creating a better understanding for yourself and the struggles and stigma's Trans- women face every day then pleas feel free to watch the video it is definitely worth a good listen.

I thought this was amazing! I especially related to the point Laverne made when she said that men need to find a space to step up and say "It's OK to like Trans-women" We as women were not always what our society would call "passable" or "Fish" we all started somewhere and it took a lot of courage to come out and not only be open and honest about who we are as women but to actually choose to finally act on that compulsion. We were not benefited with the lifetime of knowledge that comes from being born a female. In the aspects of hair, makeup, femininity, class and behavior, A lot of trans-women are forced to learn an entire lifetime's worth of lessons in a matter a few months while teaching ourselves the basics on everything, while simultaneously finding our own personal paths to self acceptance and love. As women I feel it is in our nature to feel the need to be "protected" or "taken care of" by men, which I believe is a reason alot of women turn to escorting, besides the fast money of course but men can not "Take care" of us if they in fact cant take care of themselves and part of that is being courageous enough to say "You know what? I am a straight male and I like women, I also like that particular woman and the fact that she was "once a boy" or was born a male makes no difference to me. She's the one that makes me happy right now and if you cant accept that then is your issue not mine.".

Now a days I take Janet's stand on mens identity issues and what It means to be with us.
"I Refuse to take on any mans issues about my identify about who i am. I am a woman, I happen to have been born a boy and thats just  what it is. If you have issues with that is for you to deal with on your own, thats not for me to take on. I have a man who loves me I'm lucky in that aspect but he's also lucky to be with me." 
Is Janet's direct quote and Laverne talked for a long time about Counseling men about there shame and confusion about what it meant to love trans-women and frankly I use to be her. I use to do that continuously in hopes that with enough "coaching" per say would cause the man that I loved to one day openly love me back but frankly I just do not have the time! We are no ones mother, therapist or life coach. If you want to be with me you need to understand the ways things will and wont work and if your not willing to accept or conform to my conditions then by all means make up your own set of rules and find a girl that will settle for that. 

I Think because of the bias and the stigma against Trans-Women it cause many to subconsciously be insecure with ourselves, which in turn skews our view of self worth and what we feel we deserve in the way of love, respect and acceptance. The phrase In order to change the world we must first change ourselves. Comes to mind at this present moment because if we as a community rose up and demanded more for these men then they would have no other option the to rise to the occasion.

I will only say this once and only once but I completely and utterly despise the actions of said Bimbo Winehouse. Exposing men in this manner sets not just trans- women back but the GLBT community back as a whole. What part of this man wanting to keep his private life just that PRIVATE effected you so directly you felt like this was your only choice? Ruining a classic song with you vile message and your obviously hood room, while spewing out hatred with every word. He should be ashamed of himself and honestly I'm ashamed for him! I'm not the only one either...
Bimbo, girl I was born at night not last night. He thought you were a sex worker because you are. No one gets into cars w/ strangers, unless they have experience. So you spilled his tea AND yours. What's the point? And you are not Kimberly Kardashian, and you ain't spinning shit. All you gone get out of this is Twitter followers AND perhaps Google Adsense.

A direct quote from one of Bimbo's many followers. I have to agree, What was the point of all this? What did you hope to gain? all radio appearances and TV discussions have been denied because he knows it would paint him in a negative picture because what he did in fact was a negative thing. With violence against Trans-women already at an all time high (please see the senseless and tragic beating of Islan Nettles in NYC) this only puts other Trans-women in higher risk of violent encounters and possible deaths. This whole thing is so immature and senseless and here we have a man with perfectly normal urges contemplating ending his life and has left his career!

I an article on "" A blog ran and owned by Janet Mock she writes

I am a trans woman. My sisters are trans women. We are not secrets. We are not shameful. We are worthy of respect, desire, and love. As there are many kinds of women, there are many kinds of men, and many men desire many kinds of women, trans women are amongst these women. And let’s be clear: Trans women are women...  
It’s important that we begin truly accepting trans women as who they are, women. We are not objects to have secret sex with, to discard and to laugh at on the radio or the gossip blogosphere. We are worthy of being seen and are not dirty or shameful. Until we begin checking how we delegitimize the identities, bodies and existence of trans women and stigmatize the men who yearn to be with us, we will continue to marginalize our sisters, pushing them further into socially-sanctioned invisibility, left in the dark to fend for themselves with men who are don’t have the space to explore, define and embrace their attraction to various women
I couldn't have said it any better my self if I tried. As I Said before if we as women rose up as a community, as a sisterhood and demanded more of ourselves and the men who love us. Then men and the general public alike will have no other option then to rise to the occasion. There is a lot of work left to be done in the way of social acceptance and this generations need for instant gratification is just one of the many obstacles that we need to overcome but IT CAN BE DONE. There will come a day when men and society alike embraces us for who we truly are inside and out, without stigma, without hesitation and most certainly without ridicule but we need more girls Like Janet Mock, Laverne Cox, Carmen Carrera, Isis King And (Hopefully one day) Myself to take a stand and let people know that we our people, we are women and we are not ashamed.

That's All For Now

Love Always,
Carmen Love

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